Struggling

I can no longer lie.. I have been struggling for awhile now. I hate that this is already starting. I see the way it affects the people around me, and I do not want to be like them. If only I could forgive. I dont want to though. I think of all the mean horrible things that happened. The lies that were told, the things that were said, and then the disappearing act. This has all caused me to pull away from everyone. I no longer trust anyone. I do not want to open myself up again for fearing this will happen again. How can one person be so cruel? So selfish? So prideful? I dont blame him, I wouldnt want to face the fact that everything was a lie, and all a secret.

You tore me down to nothing. I was left standing alone; trying to pick up the pieces and fit them all together. Everything all started to make sense. I could see why my friends didnt like you, I can see why you thought you were this most righteous person, and most of all I can see why you tried to change everything about me. It was all because you didnt want me to find out who you really were. Thanks to you, I know see that you are missing out on a really great girl (if you would have only noticed), I totally deserve someone better than you, and most of all to trust those around me, for they see when my judgement is blind.

It is just going to take some time for me to forgive. And until then, I will be in my hole, not coming out until I am ready to face the light. If only he could see what he is missing out on. Thanks to you, I learned who I do not want to be with. I am glad I found out before I was more deceived. Thanks, Thanks for being an ass. It has taught me a lot!

Friends

I have the most amazing friends. They are all such great examples to me. We have gone through some really tough times and have had some really great experiences together. We have some fun memories of going boating, camping, random road trips, and the most recent of memories our friend Alexis getting baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Being able to be a part of her special day will always hold a really special place in my heart! I was her roommate in our first year of college. My other roommate and I tried really hard to be good examples to her, since we wanted her to know that even without our parents influence that we loved the church with all of our hearts. I will never forget the day she told all of us that she had been taking the discussions and wanted to get baptized. My heart was filled with so much joy, as I knew that she would be blessed greatly. She asked to start a fast so that her families hearts would be soften, as they are strong member of their Baptist church.

On July 7, 2007 she was baptized. It remember thinking that I wished I remembered my baptism day. I knew that my friends would remember this special day forever. We had all tried to be good example to her for many years. The spirit was so strong during the talks some of my friends gave and when the Mission President and his wife bore their testimonies, I knew with full conviction that the church is so true.

My New Life Motto.. Enjoy!

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks you heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it!

Vulnerable

There comes a time when you must stand alone.
You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.
You must be willing to make sacrifices.
You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.
Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.
There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.
Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.
Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.
Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.
Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.

I am staring a new journey, down a new path. Nothing seems familiar and I am completely ok with that. I have never felt so vulnerable to new things. New things are coming my way. I am starting a new job, going to a new school, having to make new friends, and start being responsible for my own finances. I am hoping that as I start this journey that my vulnerability will slowly fade away.